this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
