I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
