Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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