I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
