Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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