He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
