thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pooping to opera.
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