I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nicole vs. Life
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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