she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
