just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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