I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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