I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize