is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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