Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
