just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i will never coherently bang her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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