if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
