also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
