I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize