He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
