Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
