So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
