How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
