Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we're making bets on your personal life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
