u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
