): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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