I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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