pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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