I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
