mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
