Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
