I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
