I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My balls are so social today.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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