Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
