the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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