I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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