Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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