My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
