If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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