I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
