Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
