His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
