it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
