He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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