We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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