he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
