Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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