She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
