I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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