Jerry, you need to find god
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
