I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
