??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
