I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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