I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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