I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
