Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
