So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just had sex on a roof
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
