im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
