my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
