Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
