We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
