listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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