It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
