woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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