I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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