can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
